For a few years now, I could not draw anymore.
My depression and anxiety would not allow it.
This being the case, now that I have my spark back.
My art expresses my individuality and loneliness in the journey life has taken me till now.
Through loss, self hatred, bullying, mental illness, discovering my identity, questioning my morality, exploring my sexuality, discovering and tasting and laughing and hating and crying, I have not only survived, but I am finding a meaning to life again.
My art has become my own again.
This coping mechanism, this joy, this obsession has been my hand drawing every day when I was a Tomorrows People school child and I drew smiling till I practically grew sick of it. I painted, drew, designed, sculpted. I did the art courses because they said I was really good in it; and whilst many other students found it boring and unnecessary, I even met my first love there.
So, I bowed – when they said I had a talent. Yet when I entered high school at Tyger Valley College in 2013. I felt a horror in not being considered the best in my visual arts elective from Grade 8 to 12 and instead I felt – like a not good enough artist when compared to any of the other students.
That blow, that hit – Killed me.
Yet I had always been a creative and my dream jobs were still things like film directors, illustrators, animators.
So after getting a 2016 matric with reasonably good marks; I had a 2017 gap year and did an online novel course for a year through SA writing as well as a three month graphic design part time course at Oakfield’s college. The latter activity spurred me to feel exactly the same uselessness and hopelessness when observing fellow more dedicated and talented participants. Even becoming attached and connecting to the practice itself and these great people and teachers there didn’t fix the hurt I felt.
When I started studying at Varsity College for a BAG general course in 2018, I finally realized in the half of the year that I could do anything and work harder and could achieve the goals and dreams I wanted for myself.
Me being an artist was part of that. So now I’ll proudly share it with you.
A thousand and a billion pictures drawn from my smiles, frowns, heart and mind. All built on the feelings I couldn’t express. It was cemented by words I couldn’t say.
It was for the goals I couldn’t fulfil and for the thirst I had to be normal, to be Great!
My art portrays the imperfect perfections of humanity. It shows the beautiful perfectness of art but also the incomplete ugliness of life.
So now enter my world of colorful imagination and I hope you will be awed by what you see.
After getting my Bachelor’s degree in Communication sciences and English in 2020, I am currently studying a Diploma for Graphic Design at Inscape.
If you are interested in purchasing my work.
Send me a DM at my Instagram https://www.instagram.com/snyman.carla as my website is not yet ready.